Inspiring Horoscope 11/30/06

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Horoscopes For Today: 11/30/2006
As the old saying goes, you learn something new every day -- and today you're
likely to exceed that modest expectation considerably! Maybe it's the fact that
your mind is hungry for new input, or maybe it's because you'll be surrounded
by some stimulating minds today -- but you are in for one fun, educational day.
Learning hasn't been this enjoyable since you were a kid in kindergarten,
exploring the world and mastering the tasks of everyday living.

Provided by Astrology.com.

doors

One door closes, I have had time to decide what i need and what I want when it comes to dating. What is love to me, what do I need to feel love, what can i compromise on? I realized I didn't need constant affirmations, lots of "I love yous" --though I do like that, what I need is someone who will check in and see how I am doing and tell me about what is going on with there life. I need communication. Someone I don't have to always guess how they feel about me and also someone who voices their needs and boundaries. I need to know that I am not pushing without having to guess. I adore the man I dated but realized it was comfortable no passion no excitement and no serious heart to heart communication. I need more than just comfortable. I want and need to feel safe and that I am important in their life, that I am a priority, don't have to be number 1 but need to be close to the top. (1 always should be self).

As this door has shut and he and I are embarking on a non-romantic relationshipm another door has opened. I have met someone who gives me butterflies, who makes me want to hear him the last before I go to bed and is the one who gives me butterflies. I look forward to seeing into his eyes and feeling the spark of meeting in person. I don't like to get swept up in romance before meetng someone but he is special. Even when I think I want a little quiet time to myself i find myself calling him to say good night. It seems like an eternity until tuesday when we will finally meet in person.

twitterpation

I have twitterpation, no more than twitterpation, I am giddy and look forward to hearing the phone ring and hearing the sweet voice on the other end. Several months ago I said that I loved getting drunk on life and to soak and drink in passion and the essence of all around me. The sun on the bed makes me want to curl up and soak up the heat like a cat in the afternoon. I haven't met him yet but I dream of his arms around me. I am overwhelmed by my feelings and yet want to experience more, talk to him more and to enjoy white river raft trip that we are on.

How do you fall with out scaring the other person or yourself?

giving in

I want to relax my mind and give into the great feeling I have when I am with him. I kept analyzing and picking to see if I could find the layer that was sour. But it hit me, why look. I love that he giggles when I call, I love how he can't keep his hands off of me but isn't grabby. But as soon as I made that decision I wanted to talk more to him and realized his response wasn't the same. I don't know why but it is so hard not to analyze why. With two more weeks of not seeing him (which doesn't include the week already) it is difficult. We are still feeling this one out and I want to show him how I feel, I know he knows how I feel but I want to do something romantic. Just part of who I use to be and I am inspired again. But what could I do that wouldn't seem pushy or sufficating. Yet just kind and thoughtful. I have 10 days in cali to figure that one out. ;)

chemicals

It is amazing how much chemicals rule my life. Or is it that I let them rule my life. Some are like water an air to me, if I odn't take them I cannot survive, others slowly deteriate my body as I take each sip. It is a balance to take the helpful chemicals and limit or elimiate the bad. But we are a chemical society. To make things better, leaner, healthier....we add chemicals.

I strive to be natural yet was born with deficiencies that need chemicals. How do I call myself natural as I do that. Each pill adds more chemicals and makes me feel that I am constantly defending myself to others and myself. Yet on the flipside I am constantly angering those around me when I don't take the meds. I affect them. And I have lost a week of my life to tiredness and numbness. Something I swore i wouldn't do again. Yet here I am again. The true question, is what am I going to do about it.

fear disguised

Fear can so often be disguised as so many other things. Lately for me fear has been disguised as "not having enough time."

I haven't come to the keyboard is so long, there is a fear of what might come out as I write. How much of my soul should I bare, how much is creative outlet and how much is revealing what is sacred within the soul. Being a person who often is external about my emotions and thoughts, the idea of not wanting to share is foreign to me. Yet I now must respect others wishes as well. As I go down my path of growth and rebirth it isn't just me that is along for the ride, it is everyone who is in my life.

How many of those who are a part of me now want my raw thoughts displayed and expressed when it might have soemthing to do with them?

Or is this just another disguise and I am really just afraid of myself for myself? Where do I go from here?

muse revisited

Could it be that I missed the origin point of inspiration? When I felt the great muse is when my life came crashing together from all sides, spiritually I went through a great transition and had a tremendous energy buzz from that, and I met a wonderful man, and I was losing weight....and every step I took in any direction contributed to my momentum and my inspiration. So could it be the love I felt was only a small part due to the man but in large part due to my energy work and taking care of self? Have I let my lementing for the lost get in the way of me seeing what truly happened? I lost momentum and my inspiration and motivation soon trickled down as well. Why do I need to hold onto the idea that it must have come from a person or from outside of me.

Could it be that I experienced and my lull is do to processing the deluge of information and adventures and feelings and need to once again get myself rolling to go back to experiencing and creating? Allow myself to be open to the muses of the world in all forms?

I am currently inspired to finish my place, there have been a few things undone, left thrown together and it is time to move on and let go of the security of the unfinished project. Take the dive and make my place truly a home and a home that is me, not what others may think is right. I think I will make it a goal to at least paint one flower on my wall tonight.

Quotes from "The Masters"

"Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact."
-- William James

"Within you right now is the power to do things you never dreamed possible. This power becomes available to you just as soon as you can change your beliefs."
-- Dr. Maxwell Maltz

"Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail."
-- Charles F. Kettering

From my daily email from "The Masters" from Beliefnet

muse

A muse entered my life. The feeling was overwelming but instantly addicting. I don't know if it enter in the form of the kind man I met, or if it was created from the feeling I had being with him, or from the energy that createdby us intertwining our lives, or if it was an unspoken gift from the universe-his guides-or from him. All I know is that for 10 magical days I was more inspired than I have ever been in my life. It was intoxicating, with ever sense of mine being tapped into. I was exhausted by the demands of the muse but didn't want to miss a single moment of it. Dreams that had been with me for years came to fruition and not just in one small way but in multitudes. When I had thoughts of creating one, I couldn't stop until I created 10. Motivation was spurred deep within my core. I drank of life with fever and ferver. I could think of nothing but creation and the excitement of act of creating with ever cell of my being.

That muse has left. I feel empty. As if a part of my soul has left, a part that I had been searching for all my life, one I had been waiting for, continually asking the universe for. Now I look around in the disarray left from my muse inspired heated impulses, and I feel the tiredness of years and the heaviness of knowing what once was possible. Though it was fleeting I will never be the same. And I am grateful.

Kill-the-penny bill introduced

So how much do you think it will cost to try to pass this bill? And how much is that in pennies? I love the stats cited...the last one is labeled "more telling" but more telling of what really?

A recent Gallup/USA Today also indicates a tough road ahead for the bill.

Fifty-five percent of respondents consider the penny useful compared to 43 percent who think it should be eliminated. More telling, 76 percent of respondents said they would pick up a penny if they saw it on the ground.

Full Article Here

feathery touch

I long for the soft touch that feels like a feather upon my chin. From fingers that cradle my face like it is the most precious delicate crystal. A touch that only comes from an inner love that burns through the person and errupts as appreciation and awe. Awe of the feelings of peace and serenity, awe of the love that makes the world beyond disappear, awe of the power that such a feathery light touch surges through both of us.

Americana

Zen visited this weekend. The first truly invited guest of mine to my space. My place was in disarray, yet she was good about it all. She saw how much progress I had made from my last places. I wanted to cry.

We ventured into what is now my home town and my day to day, to Zen it was quintessential Americana. Lazy streets, elders of the community sitting on the sidewalk smiling and saying hello as we pass. Sipping coffee while looking out at shoppers weaving in and out of the antique shops of retro kitsch and antique mall. We barely scratched the surface of the town, but it was a Saturday day that one thinks of in years to come as "the good ole days."

Online Processing

I am trying out a new site I heard about....Zoho Writer. An online word processing tool. So far it is pretty cool, easier to spell check and post directly to my blog, but also keep versions and all sorts of things. You should check it out- Zoho!

Elder Meditation

Isn't this what we are all struggling with? I know I am. I want to be able to share my love but realize I am not sharing enough with myself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elder's Meditation of the Day - July 17
"My friends, how desperately do we need to be loved and to love."

--Chief Dan George, SKOKOMISH

Oh my great Creator: Help me this day to love myself. I can't give away anything that I don't have myself. If I am to love others, then I must love myself. If I am to forgive others, then I am to forgive myself. If I am to accept others as they are then I need to accept myself as I am. If I am to not judge others, then I need to lighten up on myself. Let me experience this power of love...

My Creator, today I will love myself so I can love my neighbor. I will look at each person today and see Your light within them. If I do this, I will hold my brothers and sisters without guilt.

Elders Meditation sent to you courtesy of
Flight of the Eagle, Inc.
a 501c3 Organization
founded to honor Native American Vets
www.flightoftheeagle.us

reflection

I posted the Daily Om because I so often need to remind myself that what the appearance is, isn't what is reality. People have so many perceptions of me, but that doesn't mean that is who I am. Also while some people have talent at some things or grow in certain aspects of their life, I accel and grow in others that they may admire me for. So it is all relative. The "grass is always greener" syndrome.

Daily Om: Effort and Understanding

July 17, 2006
Effort And Understanding
Having It Easy

Our lives are an exercise in facing challenges. We dream the grandest of dreams as youngsters only to discover that we must cultivate copious inner strength and determination in order to meet our goals. Our hard work does not always yield the results we expect. And it is when we find ourselves frustrated by the trials we face or unable to meet our own expectations that we are most apt to take notice of those individuals who appear to accomplish great feats effortlessly. Some people's lives seem to magically fall into place. We can see the blessings they have received, the ease with which they have attained their desires, their unwavering confidence, and their wealth. But, because we can never see the story of their lives as a whole, it is important that we refrain from passing judgment or becoming envious.

Throughout our lives, we glimpse only the outer hull of others' life experiences, so it's tempting to presuppose that the abundance they enjoy is the result of luck rather than diligent effort. In a small number of cases, our assumptions may mirror reality. But very few people "have it easy." Everyone must overcome difficulties and everyone has been granted a distinctive set of talents with which to do so. An individual who is highly gifted may nonetheless have to practice industriously and correct themselves repeatedly in order to cultivate their talents. Their myriad accomplishments are more likely than not the result of ongoing hard work and sacrifice. You, no doubt, have natural abilities that you have nurtured and your gifts may be the very reason you strive as tirelessly as you do. Yet others see only the outcome of your efforts and not the efforts themselves

Our intellects, our hearts, and our souls are constantly being tested by the universe. Life will create new challenges for you to face each time you prove yourself capable of overcoming the challenges of the past. What you deem difficult will always differ from that which others deem difficult. The tests you will be given will be as unique as you are. If you focus on doing the best you can and making use of the blessings you have been granted, the outcome of your efforts will be a joyous reflection of your dedication.

Copied from the Daily Om email. You can register and find more articles at Daily Om.

Daily Buddhist Wisdom - Direct Realization

It is a defect in language that words suggest permanent realities and people do not see through this deception. But mere words cannot create reality. Thus people speak of a final goal and believe it is real, but it is a form of words and the goal as such is without substance. The one who realizes the emptiness of objects and concepts does not depend on words. Perfect wisdom is beyond definition, and pathlessness is the way to it.

The wise one treads this path for the direct realization of impermanence and for the direct realization of understanding. This, then, is perfect wisdom. Such a one should tread this path knowing that attachment and attractions are neither good nor harmful, even enlightenment is neither good nor harmful, because perfect wisdom is not meant to promote good or harm for that person. However, even though there is no intention of good or harm, it does confer endless blessing.

From "The Pocket Buddha Reader," edited by Anne Bancroft, 2000. Reprinted by arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Boston, www.shambhala.com.

Daily Buddhist Wisdom

Drink deeply.
Live in serenity and joy.
The wise person delights in the truth
And follows the law of the awakened.

The farmer channels water to his land.
The fletcher whittles his arrows.
And the carpenter turns his wood.
So the wise direct their mind.

From "Teachings of the Buddha," edited by Jack Kornfield, 1993. Reprinted by arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Boston, www.shambhala.com.

Firefly character

Which Firefly character are you?

You are Inara, the registerred Companion. you are sexy, sensual and skilled, yet have trouble admitting to your emotions. You swing both ways.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla

Letting go

Letting go....sounds so easy and so natural. Just a process, a part of life's cycle. Yet I seem to be able to let ago 80% and that 20% left aches within me. Makes me want to listen to sappy jazz and yet I get all misty eyed listening to it. Letting go is key to living in the now. So when will I be able to learn to truly cut the cords of the past. You can think fondly for a person, even care for them, but the connection that is established, the bond, that needs to be broken...completely. Otherwise the next connection is not just with that new person but brings in the still attached person too. Pretty soon it gets crowded and no one knows who they are and how much of what they do is caused by these remnants. These thoughts are broken. I am finding it hard to communicate what is in my heart lately. Maybe it is because I am not sure what is in there. I am too afraid to look.

He's just not that into you....

A truly great line and truly great book. I listen to the words and realize my crush is fruitless, I have my answer already. I know I will be free with this knowledge, but I am overwhelmed with a feeling of hopelessness. Not totally, but really how does one invest in finding love and still keep one's sanity, friends, and job in balance? Especially when that one hasn't found balance alone? But as I sit and think of all I have done in the past few weeks, all the signs were there, they just weren't that into me. Well for a little time one was, but then not. I can make excuses but realize that it doesn't matter why. Truly, why should it. Their decision about me really doesn't reflect me, it reflects their reactions and opinions of me. So on I go, but work on sending out positive and drop the hopelessness crap.

Mining for mates

Dating feels like mining. Trying to find the diamond in the rough, or the nugget of gold amidst the river wash. If it were mining I would try to find a quartz vein and dig deep along it to find the gold that is found near quartz veins, but what is a great, intelligent, humble, considerate, loving man's quartz? What is their vein that I can dig along to find a pocket of good ore? For that matter what is the quartz for a funny, loving, intelligent, caring woman?

Why does it seem harder than ever for people to find their gold?

Auction block

I feel I am on an auction block, having my teeth checked, my hair looked at, and my body examined. I am also being put under a microscope to see if any baggage or insanity is hidden under my petticoats. Putting myself online for dating is the most naked I have been.

7/7: Daily OM - Being With Uncertainty

Being With Uncertainty

Fear Of The Future
Though much human fear is based on uncertainty, foreknowledge does not always ease the mind. It is often when our futures look brightest that our resolve crumbles and we veer off course. We can recognize that success is on the horizon, but we cannot discern how it will impact our lives. Because success can affect us in complex and unpredictable ways, taking us out of the status quo and pushing us into new circumstances that test our limits, the mere idea of attaining the life of our dreams can shake us to the core. Fear of the future is often closely intermingled with the fear that growing into your own potential will both change you irrevocably and force you to face situations that you aren't ready for. It is normal to unconsciously project ahead into the future and see success as a great weight bearing down on you. It is important to remember, however, that all the life changes the future will bring will be implemented into your life slowly and gradually.

When we visualize the future, we tend to focus on outcomes rather than the steps we will take to reach those conclusions. Thus, we may forget that growth is progressive. Your soul longs to fulfill its purpose-a purpose you agreed to in the timelessness in which you existed before your birth. Because of this, neither you nor the universe will set any circumstance before you that you are not capable of handling. Fear of the future can paralyze you, preventing you from living in the moment and from working toward your goals in a mindful manner. The key to conquering this fear lies in awareness. When you can identify the irrational thoughts that frighten you, you can replace them with logical, self-affirming ideas. If you are afraid that you won't be satisfied when you accomplish a certain goal, remember that no one achievement represents an end in and of itself. And if you fear recognition or feel unworthy, consider that even now you are deserving of praise.

Should fear of the future strike you as you strive to create, to excel, to grow, and to evolve, assert your courage. Assume that your fear is based on a false assumption and quell it with facts. Try to disregard past patterns and focus on the present by stilling the inner voice that comments critically on all you do. Tell yourself that the inevitability of your success is based not on luck or a universal mistake but on your already established talents, drive, imagination, and inner strength. Each time you overcome your fear of the future, you chip away at its very foundations. Eventually, you will clear a gap through which you can gaze upon the future with unhindered optimism.

copied from Daily Om

dis-connecting

My heart is dis-connecting from many past. Chocolate after a very long hard day, I crave the connection. To hear, smell, touch, see you, each one of you. The child in me cries for impetuousness and to live impulsively, yet there is no security in flighty ways.

Dis-connecting weighs heavy on my brain, I have gotten use to their ways. Their smile, their lips, their kiss, their eyes and how they look at me with such caring. Yet there is a light beyond. I feel it as well. My heart knows the path, it will go past the dark with ease if I don't let the memory gremlins get a hold of me and veer me off course.

To brush my body against the warmth and heat of passion as well as feel the softness of comfort wrapped arms around me and to feel welcome into someone's life, their inner sanctum and feeling secure and at home. That is what I disconnect from. For one moment it is surrounding my every being...

but then it is gone, even more speedily than it came.

Seduction part 2 - the dance

Being trained in seduction has made sex an interesting act. There is one analogy that keeps coming to mind, that sex and seduction is like performing dance for a trained dancer. In rare moments the dance becomes truly magical--feeling new like when they first discovered dance, but most often it is easy to get caught up in the rhythm and nuances of performance (your own much more than your partners). And if you haven't danced awhile you crave the dance floor. You want to just go out and feel the music within you, the partner becomes not entirely unimportant, for you wouldn't want someone who couldn't do the moves easily, but more important is the desire, that craving that is inside of you and the need too feel the floor and the music running through your blood. Not that dancing alone is not okay to stave the hunger off, but it isn't the same, it is about being able to manipulate time and bodies and the rhythm to make something more beautiful. It is the art, and bringing someone with you along your creation of that art.

That craving is strong sometimes if you haven't visited the dance floor or haven't had a decent dance partner in awhile, but it becomes a balance when you find a new partner because you only get to dance with that person the first time once. From there it is correcting and critiquing and it becomes about the two of you, and the act itself. You are but one piece of the creation after the first time. Don't get me wrong, dual creation is wonderful and learning to improve and better move with each other mutually brings the dance to new levels that you never could do on your own. But that first time, is also about demonstrating your art. Putting on an performance for the other. It is almost entirely yours. It is what all your training was about; all the past pain and tears and dealing with difficult domineering teachers. It is an opportunity to take the pain gained skill and create a beautiful gift for someone. One they probably weren't expecting, so that added surprise is rewarding in itself.

When you choose the right moment to perform that first dance, it can be magical, but if you let the craving overcome you, no matter how much you enjoy the indulgence, afterward there is an emptiness. Instead of bringing the other along on your creative path, you usually lose them (for they weren't ready) and they become an audience instead of participant and you both end up in different places on the dance floor.

The distance is felt. For you just performed your art as a dancer performing for an audience instead of as a dancer performing with a partner. You are a performer, no longer a person performing.

identifying the enemy: Buddhist Wisdom

If you want to get rid of your enemy, the true way is to realize that your enemy is delusion.

-Kegon Sutra
From "The Pocket Buddha Reader," edited by Anne Bancroft, 2000.

Abusing words

We have used words to sterilize life. I am desterilizing my life. Passion and inspiration is dirty, it is messy and seldom "right" by THEIR standards. The dirt and rock path is long and it isn't always clear and definitely not easy but it is worth every stubbed toe and dirty smudge.

I have seen what life is like off along the road less traveled and I like it. I am discovering a new world, I think my timing may be off as well, but adds to the adventure. I am discovering a life of passion, inspiration and it all started within me. I wonder when I will get the key to the city.

Power of words

There is amazing power within words if you allow it.

Once you label me, you negate me. ~Kierkegaard

What words are the "magic" words that help and destroy? I learned that I need to believe, believe in self which is to believe in the world, the universe and in love...but to achieve that belief I need trust and love myself. To achieve the trust and love, I need to forgive. The first person and truly the only one that matters to move forward and achieve the rest, is to forgive myself.

The Power of Play

THE POWER OF PLAY

by Mark Victor Hansen

Think back to your youth. Remember those Saturday mornings watching cartoons while eating your cereal? Were your afternoons spent drinking Kool-Aid and skating?

Those were times when you didn't seem to have a care in the world.
You can still have fun like that. I'm not saying there is a magical potion that will transform you into a child, but you can recapture your child-like nature.

Just because you grow older doesn't mean you have to grow old.

There is power in playing. It is the power of remembering who your authentic self really is, who you were going to be before people told you, you "couldn't" or "shouldn't" or "didn't have the talent to be" the person you were becoming.

When you start playing again you will awaken your inner child and begin to re-discover all the dreams you buried over the years.

Remember:you're either a dream maker or a dream breaker.

from a daily "From the Masters" email

Daily Om

This is a snippet from my "Daily Om" email:

... Just as the summer solstice is symbolic of agricultural growth, so is it symbolic of personal growth. It is a wonderful time to nurture your potential as you would nurture a tiny seedling and let your creative energy express itself fully. On the summer solstice, you may feel compelled to emulate the noontime sun and be at one with the world around you or to let your inner brilliance shine forth at full strength, if only for a single day....

Jealousy

It is amazing when jealousy rears its ugly head. I could be jealous of so much in my life but I have let go of that on so many levels. But then I flip through the channels on the TV and end up on a country music video. It is then my eyes glow green and I find myself jealous of the woman who the song was written for and sung to. I want to be the kind of woman who inspires those words. I want to find a man who wants to say such loving words and sensual words and who will not assume "I already know" That song has affected me so much that I want to hear it but sometimes can't bare the sound.

New day

It takes the perspective of a new day and words from a dear friend to clear the air and make the sun shine within and without. (endearing words from a caring soul that makes me flutter helps too). I have been asleep for so long in my life I don't know what it is like to be awake, to be alive. I admit I had dreams and expectations, and many things have exceeded and a few are a crushing to optimism. I may pout and mope or I may dance and sing, but I know wouldn't go back to being asleep through life. I know that with all my heart.

And it is times like that I know it was good to take the red pill.

forgotten gem

Deep within my soul is a stone that shines brilliantly. I see its reflection when I see my reflection and when I look into someone dear's eyes. It is a stone, a crystal that is so beautiful that it warms all that touch it. But why do I let this gem be forgotten, why do I lock it in a box and let the sparkle leave me and those around me? Sometimes it takes a look, or a word from a friend; sometimes the moon whispering to me; or the angels that sing to me; or the kitty that purrs against my chin to remind me that that gem should never be locked up.

Like never before

I have pondered and thought and contemplated about my life now as it is in reference to how it has been. But I am not the person I was, nor are the people in my life the same people from back then. There is no comparison. Seduction, fear, warmth, giddiness...they all need to be seen with fresh eyes. To not let the fear from the unknown be filled from the experiences (especially bad) of the past just to be satiated.

upon tomorrow

I can hear the water in the pond outside my door, feel the sun as it shines through the windows, and the joy of summer as it eases upon us. There is passion and fun all around me, and I feel it building within me. What will tomorrow bring? What sweet breezes, and good friends and flirtatious encounters will it bring?

Why wait until tomorrow?

fear

Fear is a monster that lives with me. He follows me, wanting to be near me, to hold me, to wrap himself around me so that I cannot see or feel or smell anything but him.

Seduction

I have been trained in the art of seduction. A truly beautify art. One that has kept me well protected, for once one engages in the art, it isn't completely (or sometimes at all) about love, it isn't about the heart, it becomes a test to see how quickly and skillfully I can gain control without the other knowing, how well can I read the person and find exactly what that person needs to be pleased by the flesh.

A seductress is never as naked as when that wall has been taken down. And never more confused when that art is then called upon, whether verbally or not. What others find intimate is not what the seductress finds intimate. For a seductress it is the kind eyes, the kind words, the soft hand hold that is true intimacy. Yet the world is sad when she finds someone who is the mirror of she, who gives freely of the kindness and who intimacy is seduction.

I am eager to find the soul that it no longer is about the art, and instead it is about the magic of two people together in love and utterly in the moment of passion.

the colors of love

The flow of a warm mist has left my heart, and found its way to another. Winding around and looping to meld with the mist that encircles all of us. What is this mist that has left me? Will it find a soul and create magic that great romances are written about or will it find a soul in need of a friend or will it find a soul in pain? The colors of the mist collide with others and explode like the northern lights. One cannot anticipate what the mist will bring or find no more than one can read the northern lights. I am but a vessel traveling through the ocean of life hoping that one day that the mist will fade and unveiled before me will be a pure soul that is my destiny.

a hand

A hand has such great power and yet we rarely notice it. It takes someone else's hang to step into my world to really realize how amazing one is. It reaches for mine for sweet warmth as I walk down a chilly downtown street. It touches the small of my back that is bare as I lean forward, bringing warmth, comfort, and yet quick chills that reach my toes. It reaches around my face and brings me toward the other bringing comfort, a sense of security, and enables the world around to fall away. Without a reach or a tug, it holds my heart.

It is rough, but not abrasive; strong, but not crushing; hot, but does not burn. Yes sometimes it takes another hand to make me appreciate how much power they possess.

Dragon and Tiger

Who knew that when Dragon and Tiger meet, that it would result in Tiger an equal duel with one exception, Tiger doesn't have armory near her heart. She has sharp teeth and sharp nails and strength that has won many battles (or at least made her ably walk away to fight again) and mostly scared off the would be opponent, but Dragon is cunning and strong. Tiger doesn't know if there will be a victor in this duel, nor does she know if she wants one. A worthy opponent on so many levels makes her the curious cat, and yet, also ready to accept the challenge, even if it means her destruction.

winds have changed

Deep in the waters there is no wind, there is no rain, there are no tornados. Soaking in herbs and water change the winds about me, the flickering of the candle dies down and the flame shines bright. This is when I know I am getting back on the right path.

3 year old rampant

The love for a three year old should be genuine and patient and understanding and respectful, but I have learned personally for the 3 year old that rests within me, I need to also set boundaries, for a 3 year old that is unchecked is one that can wreck havoc, with the utmost positive and genuine intension.

The art is to learn how to balance all the parts of us that we have disenfranchised or hated in our lives. And as much as I hate to admit it, it does start with my first memory and my accurately my interpretation of that memory over the years. Which makes me think an adult unchecked can wreck havoc with the best intentions as well.

Personal Power from Higher Awareness

Personal Power

“The deep root of failure in our lives is to think, ‘Oh how useless and powerless I am.’ It is essential to think strongly and forcefully, ‘I can do it,’ without boasting or fretting.”

-- Dalai Lama

Angeles Arrien says that whether we are male or female, we need to develop three kinds of power. People who hold these three powers cannot be ignored.

1. Power of presence – Being really present in each moment
2. Power of communication – Speaking my truth
3. Power of position – Being willing to take a stand

“A man’s true state of power and riches is to be in himself.”

-- Henry Ward Beecher

“We are no longer puppets being manipulated by outside powerful forces; we become the powerful force ourselves.”

-- Leo Buscaglia

received in my daily email from Higher Awareness (which always seems to send the right thoughts at the right times in my life)

enjoy the silence

I have been told by many that my main issues, other than not balancing my health through the normal channels (exercise and vitamin and meds etc) is I can't enjoy the silence. That I don't listen to the whispers of the wind and the great spirits of the world. That I don't listen to what my cats tell me without a sound. Who is speaking to me from across the world. And most of all I am not listening to the universe which is God which is the true me. When your mind screams what do you do to silence it. Or worse what if you are afraid of the silence?

a storm

I have felt the storm brewing, all the signs have been there, dark clouds, strong gusts, and unexplained silence, that heaviness in the air. Little did I know the storm was brewing in me. Fog rolled in early this morning, followed by a charged lighting storm. There was a bit of mist, but now showers or drizzle came about. The earth shook and a small tornado touched down for a few moments, but now there is that eerie calm. What weather will show up next, what is in store for my evening, when will this storm front pass and bring the sunshine I have come to love and now appreciate even more since it is absent.

visited states (how cool!)

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

countries visited

create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands

anticipation

The air is thick with anticipation, not my anticipation but anticipation by the world around me. The birds have stopped to listen and the frongs are silent straining to hear. The trees hold still, with not a slight bit of wind to make their branches sing. The air is round and heavy, waiting. What is it that they wait for? Do they know?

inspiration

Inspiration can be found in so many places, yet so elusive so often. I lay here feeling the fleece pillow case against my skin. So warm, so soft, so pink. I often forget that the inspiration I find sometimes comes from the 3 year old child within me that just wants to have fun yet wants to feel safe and loved. I think I am finally understanding love.

to find the key...

Why is it so hard to release ourselves from our own shackles? If someone else put them on us we would fight to the bitter end, but our own we endure almost with enjoyment, of course we say we hate them and are always trying to get them off, but when left to our own we often fortify them and strengthen them.


Those rare times we loosen the shackles a bit, it feels like the world is fresh and new, the grass is fresher, the sunsets more vivid, the smells of the season almost overwhelming the senses, the feel of rain upon our face feels like the kiss of a long lost lover, the breeze filled with sweet nothings that you could never share with another.


Then why when the sun is finally set and the doors are closed do those shackles tighten up and a blanket of guilt and shame is wrapped up around us as if they were able to provide comfort and warmth.

listening?

Have you ever wondered how much of blogging is to "hear yourself talk" and how much of it is wanting to know someone is out there listening?

meditation....

June 7, 2006
-:- -:- -:-

The true Sage keeps his knowledge within him, while men in general set
forth theirs in argument, in order to convince each other.
And therefore it is said that one who argues does so because he cannot
see certain points.

Chuang Tzu

------------ --------- -----
DAILY and WEEKLY Wisdom from different sources since Dec, 1997
http://www.deeshan. com

rain drops on my head

During the Relay for Life the rain started, and I got to fufill one of my life long desires, to walk in the rain with no shame, no embarassement and no rush to get out. Each drop screamed freedom to me, liberation from the rules of society. It was all so raw and pure and magical.

my shoes await

I am half way prepped for my Relay for Life. I pray for good weather, but bought a slicker anyhow. i see the moonlight shine up one the roof top and think how wonderful it would be to stay in that moment, to hang on and just live there. Make myself at home.

I am humble and await.

the good, the bad, and the explored

So stating your mind and opening up to possibilities and overcoming fear is great. Rejection is hard, which I am finding out first hand, but not as bad as regretting if I hadn't tried. I need to lick my wounds and wish that that could be done with more time, but alas I am walking tomorrow! So kick in the butt and get over what could have been and worse the dreams that filled the head of possibilities. They are still there just on hold. And I need to make more of them come true alone. But crying isn't bad either. A good lesson as well. At least I can say, I did it. I took a risk and put myself out there and it felt damn good.

ruby and peridot eyes and silver fingers

It is late, I will be tired again tomorrow, and I hear the rain pounding above me. I cleaned up my jewlery chests. Yes more than one. So many shiney sparkles glared up at me with tarnish in their eyes and length, wanting to know why I had let them stay in the darkness so long. I didn't have a good answer. Fear, is the truth. Fear of judgement. Many many years ago I showed just a portion of my collection to a friend and she said "In the future I want to get a lot of jewlery like this, but real of course" And when I looked up at her and told her it was all real, her demeaner got soft, and I suddenly felt embarassed. I am not rich, in fact pay check barely to pay check is how I live but these trinkets, are gifts I have given myself, or are gifts from grandmothers, friends, or ex boyfriends. Each hold within it not only the moments of me but the moments of the past and future. It is time to be bold and let them out of their hiding and let them sparkle in all their splendor and if people think that is gaudy or gauche then so be it. I need to be me and I need to encorporate the old me that collected these into the new me that showcases them and me together.

chardy

I love this dog, Chardy. I love this picture...so I am sharing. It is from a few weeks back and you know what that means? I was heavier! wowsers eh? anyhow enjoy!

peculiar

I have been called many things such as eclectic, unusual, strange, blunt, weird, goofy, esoteric, different...and I embrace and truly love all of those within me, plus a bit of crazy in the good way sprinkled in. It is when I meet another one that is of kilter a bit like me that that makes my heart flutter and my stomach do a flop. But alas when it is someone at work, I can't be my blunt self and tell them that. It doesn't mean I am looking to hook up or anything, just I feel a connection. Why in this age of information and communication, is true communication so difficult? Also is it wrong that I always thought Clark Kent was hotter than Superman?