The recoil

Why is it just when I start moving forward I feel a recoil that gives me a kickback that makes me stop in my tracks. The better the progress the harder the recoil.

I have made strides in my home and motivation, inspiration, and healthcare. The latter is something that was an aha for me. I realize my overall priorities in life includes number one as all aspects of health. So I cleaned my clutter a lot and will do more this weekend. I bought not my fun things I wanted as splurges but health things. I got an air purifier and hepa vacuum.

So I started the week walking on clouds. Work is continually filled with potentially stressful situations, money is tight this month already, I have gained weight, and my depression is once again my shadow.

But with that said I know that all my cleaning is still showing and most important the time of backlash is shorter and shorter. This time in days not weeks and not months and not years. I am finding joy in that and from joy I find inspiration and from inspiration I find love and from there all is possible.

My cat is nudging me so it must be time for snuggles and sleep. Tomorrow is another day.

*beep beep* alanis morissette as god in Dogma