What is my nature?

What is my nature? Someone made a comment about doing something against my nature. And in reality it wasn't against my nature, at least I thought. It was about cleaning.

The problem comes from a cycle. I am depressed so try to fill the void with shopping. The stuff I buy for don't have a place and I don't want to let go of the other stuff since it might fill my needs, or better yet someone I care for's need, which would mean I would be liked which might drag me out of the depression and live happily ever after. So then I have this stuff, so much, that beautiful jewelry gets thrown in a box with my collection of rocks, things get stepped on, and I don't miss the jacket that I bought 4 months ago until I refind it. These things don't make me feel safe but they do make me feel in control and prepared. Prepared for a day I can't afford these things. If I lose my job or the world comes to a near end and someone needs that perfect shade of pink nail polish.

For this stuff I will find love and friendship. It will fill the void. And as I look at the stacks and get more depressed thus buy more stuff that has no place to put "away".

It is a vicious cycle and makes sense at the time. At this point it sounds ludicris. But this is what I am leaving behind. I am leaving behind the choice to be depressed. From that I am deciding that I am going to have freedom from being the one that "always has" and be the one that can take care of myself and that is enough, and best of all someonethat can rely on the idea that I and the universe (for both are the same) can "handle" anything that comes at me, whether I have a lot of stuff or not.