I have been so use to being around people who know me, I mean really know me no my looks, my non-looks, by actions, and my non-actions that it is refreshing and unexpected to be around several people now that don't know how to read me. The refreshing part, other than being as transparent as cellophane, is that they see stuff that the others don't. They see things I never knew were there.
I didn't know I looked at a person I am into, note I did not say am in love with--it isn't there yet, I looked at them as someone that I had been with for ever and had immense love for. This explains the reactions by past people I have dated. I scared them I was "intense". Well yea I would react that way too if I saw someone have endearing love in their eyes and I didn't know where I was with the relationship.
But my problem is that I don't fully know why that look is happening now. I mean I love the person in the way that I love people, and yes I care for the person much more than I do than others in my life and I do feel as though our souls just match & remember each other, it is the fluff that covers the souls that is the issue. I started by wanting everything, the commitment the exclusivity, the love. Now I am not so sure, I want time to enjoy getting to know the person. Ironically just when I am unsure I seem to be sending out that I am ready for the next step.
I think I need to have some space, to get back to my needs. Not that they ever wanted me to leave those behind. And I care just as much, in fact more because I want to risk what is, for something better by me being better to myself.
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