for my better good

I am not sure if he so kindly and lovingly asked me to go home for my better good or for his. But once again it was for my better good. I can't thank him enough for the nudge. I seem to be in a weird space that doesn't always feel like me. I know in my mind what I want and then when I am weak and tired and stressed I retreat into what feels good. Be it hiding out at his place, or having a donut instead of oatmeal, it is all retreat. I am still in shock at all that has transpired. I never thought there would be a day that I didn't want to go back to my current home. The home that has been a sanctuary for so long. A place that infused life into me through the soles of my feet and with every breath.

I am learning that in life sometimes there are gradual changes and other times there are abrupt changes. My life is now in an abrupt change. My job, my home, my spiritual path, my ideas. What I once thought would be indefinite has come to its end and it is time to take a new path, a new journey. It hurts and it makes me wonder if my inner self is truly being heard or if my immediate desires are more being catered to. But if it was all wrong it wouldn't work, and it is time to let go. And letting go is now the name of the game, and as fast and thorough as possible.

In the physical it means a basement full of stuff that I have barely used in 3 years to let go. In the spiritual it is letting go of old ties that I thought were my only saving grace, and now I realize I am my only saving grace and that I am surrounded by so many others and so much love that I will be okay always. Emotionally, letting go of the need for what society defines as right in any type of relationship. A relationship of any kind is the kind that is right for you, not what everyone else thinks. A little bit of all is letting go of sugar, and worry and all the unnecessary feelings that fill up my thoughts.