just say no

I have a problem with candy in front of me, and saying no to something I want, even though I know it will harm me in the long run. Yesterday I had candy on my desk, one of my old managers asked if I would be the keeper and take good care of the "pumpkin" of candy until she got back in 3 weeks. One morning and I had eaten 3 handfuls of peanut butter M&Ms. I wanted to stop but it was there and the moment felt good the minutes, hours, days after would not.

I drove penguin home. He joked about me staying over and I realized it was another peanut butter M&M. Earlier that day I had decided I so needed space and it wasn't him but I hadn't done what I need to do for me. Yet, that evening I felt tired and wanted to just lay in his arms. A big part was comfort and there was definitely some part due to the words he had said to me in the evening, the words that made me feel as though I could truly bloom as a beautiful flower once again. I wanted to savor the moment and feel safe, for I do in his arms. A true calmness that I find rarely with another, but there are a few (not all romantic). And I feel lucky that he saw me or he just wanted time alone too and asked me to leave. I am grateful and had a quiet and serene sleep, warm, safe, and nestled in my bed.