dizzy

I feel dizzy and it isn't just the sickness. So much is moving in me, around me. I am disconnected just enough to feel the motion, yet connected enough to get the dizziness. What does one say to another who you love, that they have not given their entire heart to you, when you know you too have not given yours. There is the thought in the back of your mind "what am I getting into?"

It is interesting to see the battle within him of control yet honoring all that is woman and thus trying to succumb to the feminine powers around him. For such a strong will and determined soul it is definitely a pendulum. It is interesting to see the battle in me to embrace and hold the strength I have found at moments, and yet finding myself wanting to succumb to his knowledge his world, his mystery. The mystery scares and intrigues me. I am scared that I cannot protect myself and the good that surrounds him is not strong enough. I am tempted, tempted by the lush world he momentarily exposes in his stories. Why is it that people say they are past something yet they tell stories with smiles and looks of longing? If they are past it wouldn't they no longer want to revisit those tales? I know I don't want to discuss my drunken stupor stories.

Am I strong enough to be myself, to be strong, to not indulge in the dark, yet revel in the joyous fun of the light and middle ground? Is there ever truly a middle ground I can survive on?