late nights

We all cope in different ways. We all find ways to deal with issues or troubles. You get to a point and you do anything you can to deal. I am struggling with how someone is dealing with one aspect of their life. It hurts me, I feel them check out and the person I care for disappears from the room. I don't know what to do. How to handle it. My words come off sharper than they are intended and the reaction is strong and I feel like crap. It is 50/50 chance that they remember it ever happened.

Words have been sharp lately. Both toward me and from me. It can easily take the smile from my good day. I shouldn't care so much about others opinions, but I still do. My confidence is faltering. I want to hold onto the love to hold onto the joy and just be. Why am I finding that just out of my reach.

I also want to follow my heart and feelings and right now I am not feeling passion, I feel love and affection and appreciation for my boyfriend, and work and my kitty and my friends, and my future. I need to recharge. I look forward to Subud, and my place and Bing getting help from the doctors.

On the up side I get my doll tomorrow! I have a couple name ideas, we shall see what works. :)