I have decided to let go of hurt, to continue to not keep tabs on who did what or what was said. I was in a discussion with Korben today about how he hurt me in the past, and I realized I had kept the hurt but had let go of the words. Now is time for the next step, let go of the hurt. It is sad to be in a place where I don't trust that it will all even out and that words said aren't meant to be harmful and that I don't need to keep track. I have felt the desire to keep try so I can realize if it has gotten too much and too frequent.
That is what one does when they have been hurt a lot and were raised by parents who had been hurt. I am told I let things in the past go on to long, even by Korben about other relationships. And yet, how does one not have it happen unless one tracks how often it goes on. How often to you shrug off mean words? How many times does one feel like it is their fault for everything since words are said to that affect off and on?
I am not an angel, I mess up and I mess up royally, but that doesn't mean I should allow myself to be treated badly. Where is the line?
I want to just let go of the hurt, why keep it? I mean really I can only be hurt if I allow myself to be. Where does that leave the tally? Do I need to worry about it if I don't let it get to me? What happens to the mean words if no one cares about them? Do they disappear, do they sit around and still be said just like a tree in an empty forest? Why is it so hard to take that leap of faith that it will be okay to not care about the mean words or actions from the far past or recent past?
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