muse revisited

Could it be that I missed the origin point of inspiration? When I felt the great muse is when my life came crashing together from all sides, spiritually I went through a great transition and had a tremendous energy buzz from that, and I met a wonderful man, and I was losing weight....and every step I took in any direction contributed to my momentum and my inspiration. So could it be the love I felt was only a small part due to the man but in large part due to my energy work and taking care of self? Have I let my lementing for the lost get in the way of me seeing what truly happened? I lost momentum and my inspiration and motivation soon trickled down as well. Why do I need to hold onto the idea that it must have come from a person or from outside of me.

Could it be that I experienced and my lull is do to processing the deluge of information and adventures and feelings and need to once again get myself rolling to go back to experiencing and creating? Allow myself to be open to the muses of the world in all forms?

I am currently inspired to finish my place, there have been a few things undone, left thrown together and it is time to move on and let go of the security of the unfinished project. Take the dive and make my place truly a home and a home that is me, not what others may think is right. I think I will make it a goal to at least paint one flower on my wall tonight.

Quotes from "The Masters"

"Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact."
-- William James

"Within you right now is the power to do things you never dreamed possible. This power becomes available to you just as soon as you can change your beliefs."
-- Dr. Maxwell Maltz

"Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail."
-- Charles F. Kettering

From my daily email from "The Masters" from Beliefnet

muse

A muse entered my life. The feeling was overwelming but instantly addicting. I don't know if it enter in the form of the kind man I met, or if it was created from the feeling I had being with him, or from the energy that createdby us intertwining our lives, or if it was an unspoken gift from the universe-his guides-or from him. All I know is that for 10 magical days I was more inspired than I have ever been in my life. It was intoxicating, with ever sense of mine being tapped into. I was exhausted by the demands of the muse but didn't want to miss a single moment of it. Dreams that had been with me for years came to fruition and not just in one small way but in multitudes. When I had thoughts of creating one, I couldn't stop until I created 10. Motivation was spurred deep within my core. I drank of life with fever and ferver. I could think of nothing but creation and the excitement of act of creating with ever cell of my being.

That muse has left. I feel empty. As if a part of my soul has left, a part that I had been searching for all my life, one I had been waiting for, continually asking the universe for. Now I look around in the disarray left from my muse inspired heated impulses, and I feel the tiredness of years and the heaviness of knowing what once was possible. Though it was fleeting I will never be the same. And I am grateful.

Kill-the-penny bill introduced

So how much do you think it will cost to try to pass this bill? And how much is that in pennies? I love the stats cited...the last one is labeled "more telling" but more telling of what really?

A recent Gallup/USA Today also indicates a tough road ahead for the bill.

Fifty-five percent of respondents consider the penny useful compared to 43 percent who think it should be eliminated. More telling, 76 percent of respondents said they would pick up a penny if they saw it on the ground.

Full Article Here

feathery touch

I long for the soft touch that feels like a feather upon my chin. From fingers that cradle my face like it is the most precious delicate crystal. A touch that only comes from an inner love that burns through the person and errupts as appreciation and awe. Awe of the feelings of peace and serenity, awe of the love that makes the world beyond disappear, awe of the power that such a feathery light touch surges through both of us.

Americana

Zen visited this weekend. The first truly invited guest of mine to my space. My place was in disarray, yet she was good about it all. She saw how much progress I had made from my last places. I wanted to cry.

We ventured into what is now my home town and my day to day, to Zen it was quintessential Americana. Lazy streets, elders of the community sitting on the sidewalk smiling and saying hello as we pass. Sipping coffee while looking out at shoppers weaving in and out of the antique shops of retro kitsch and antique mall. We barely scratched the surface of the town, but it was a Saturday day that one thinks of in years to come as "the good ole days."

Online Processing

I am trying out a new site I heard about....Zoho Writer. An online word processing tool. So far it is pretty cool, easier to spell check and post directly to my blog, but also keep versions and all sorts of things. You should check it out- Zoho!

Elder Meditation

Isn't this what we are all struggling with? I know I am. I want to be able to share my love but realize I am not sharing enough with myself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elder's Meditation of the Day - July 17
"My friends, how desperately do we need to be loved and to love."

--Chief Dan George, SKOKOMISH

Oh my great Creator: Help me this day to love myself. I can't give away anything that I don't have myself. If I am to love others, then I must love myself. If I am to forgive others, then I am to forgive myself. If I am to accept others as they are then I need to accept myself as I am. If I am to not judge others, then I need to lighten up on myself. Let me experience this power of love...

My Creator, today I will love myself so I can love my neighbor. I will look at each person today and see Your light within them. If I do this, I will hold my brothers and sisters without guilt.

Elders Meditation sent to you courtesy of
Flight of the Eagle, Inc.
a 501c3 Organization
founded to honor Native American Vets
www.flightoftheeagle.us

reflection

I posted the Daily Om because I so often need to remind myself that what the appearance is, isn't what is reality. People have so many perceptions of me, but that doesn't mean that is who I am. Also while some people have talent at some things or grow in certain aspects of their life, I accel and grow in others that they may admire me for. So it is all relative. The "grass is always greener" syndrome.

Daily Om: Effort and Understanding

July 17, 2006
Effort And Understanding
Having It Easy

Our lives are an exercise in facing challenges. We dream the grandest of dreams as youngsters only to discover that we must cultivate copious inner strength and determination in order to meet our goals. Our hard work does not always yield the results we expect. And it is when we find ourselves frustrated by the trials we face or unable to meet our own expectations that we are most apt to take notice of those individuals who appear to accomplish great feats effortlessly. Some people's lives seem to magically fall into place. We can see the blessings they have received, the ease with which they have attained their desires, their unwavering confidence, and their wealth. But, because we can never see the story of their lives as a whole, it is important that we refrain from passing judgment or becoming envious.

Throughout our lives, we glimpse only the outer hull of others' life experiences, so it's tempting to presuppose that the abundance they enjoy is the result of luck rather than diligent effort. In a small number of cases, our assumptions may mirror reality. But very few people "have it easy." Everyone must overcome difficulties and everyone has been granted a distinctive set of talents with which to do so. An individual who is highly gifted may nonetheless have to practice industriously and correct themselves repeatedly in order to cultivate their talents. Their myriad accomplishments are more likely than not the result of ongoing hard work and sacrifice. You, no doubt, have natural abilities that you have nurtured and your gifts may be the very reason you strive as tirelessly as you do. Yet others see only the outcome of your efforts and not the efforts themselves

Our intellects, our hearts, and our souls are constantly being tested by the universe. Life will create new challenges for you to face each time you prove yourself capable of overcoming the challenges of the past. What you deem difficult will always differ from that which others deem difficult. The tests you will be given will be as unique as you are. If you focus on doing the best you can and making use of the blessings you have been granted, the outcome of your efforts will be a joyous reflection of your dedication.

Copied from the Daily Om email. You can register and find more articles at Daily Om.

Daily Buddhist Wisdom - Direct Realization

It is a defect in language that words suggest permanent realities and people do not see through this deception. But mere words cannot create reality. Thus people speak of a final goal and believe it is real, but it is a form of words and the goal as such is without substance. The one who realizes the emptiness of objects and concepts does not depend on words. Perfect wisdom is beyond definition, and pathlessness is the way to it.

The wise one treads this path for the direct realization of impermanence and for the direct realization of understanding. This, then, is perfect wisdom. Such a one should tread this path knowing that attachment and attractions are neither good nor harmful, even enlightenment is neither good nor harmful, because perfect wisdom is not meant to promote good or harm for that person. However, even though there is no intention of good or harm, it does confer endless blessing.

From "The Pocket Buddha Reader," edited by Anne Bancroft, 2000. Reprinted by arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Boston, www.shambhala.com.

Daily Buddhist Wisdom

Drink deeply.
Live in serenity and joy.
The wise person delights in the truth
And follows the law of the awakened.

The farmer channels water to his land.
The fletcher whittles his arrows.
And the carpenter turns his wood.
So the wise direct their mind.

From "Teachings of the Buddha," edited by Jack Kornfield, 1993. Reprinted by arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Boston, www.shambhala.com.

Firefly character

Which Firefly character are you?

You are Inara, the registerred Companion. you are sexy, sensual and skilled, yet have trouble admitting to your emotions. You swing both ways.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla

Letting go

Letting go....sounds so easy and so natural. Just a process, a part of life's cycle. Yet I seem to be able to let ago 80% and that 20% left aches within me. Makes me want to listen to sappy jazz and yet I get all misty eyed listening to it. Letting go is key to living in the now. So when will I be able to learn to truly cut the cords of the past. You can think fondly for a person, even care for them, but the connection that is established, the bond, that needs to be broken...completely. Otherwise the next connection is not just with that new person but brings in the still attached person too. Pretty soon it gets crowded and no one knows who they are and how much of what they do is caused by these remnants. These thoughts are broken. I am finding it hard to communicate what is in my heart lately. Maybe it is because I am not sure what is in there. I am too afraid to look.

He's just not that into you....

A truly great line and truly great book. I listen to the words and realize my crush is fruitless, I have my answer already. I know I will be free with this knowledge, but I am overwhelmed with a feeling of hopelessness. Not totally, but really how does one invest in finding love and still keep one's sanity, friends, and job in balance? Especially when that one hasn't found balance alone? But as I sit and think of all I have done in the past few weeks, all the signs were there, they just weren't that into me. Well for a little time one was, but then not. I can make excuses but realize that it doesn't matter why. Truly, why should it. Their decision about me really doesn't reflect me, it reflects their reactions and opinions of me. So on I go, but work on sending out positive and drop the hopelessness crap.

Mining for mates

Dating feels like mining. Trying to find the diamond in the rough, or the nugget of gold amidst the river wash. If it were mining I would try to find a quartz vein and dig deep along it to find the gold that is found near quartz veins, but what is a great, intelligent, humble, considerate, loving man's quartz? What is their vein that I can dig along to find a pocket of good ore? For that matter what is the quartz for a funny, loving, intelligent, caring woman?

Why does it seem harder than ever for people to find their gold?

Auction block

I feel I am on an auction block, having my teeth checked, my hair looked at, and my body examined. I am also being put under a microscope to see if any baggage or insanity is hidden under my petticoats. Putting myself online for dating is the most naked I have been.

7/7: Daily OM - Being With Uncertainty

Being With Uncertainty

Fear Of The Future
Though much human fear is based on uncertainty, foreknowledge does not always ease the mind. It is often when our futures look brightest that our resolve crumbles and we veer off course. We can recognize that success is on the horizon, but we cannot discern how it will impact our lives. Because success can affect us in complex and unpredictable ways, taking us out of the status quo and pushing us into new circumstances that test our limits, the mere idea of attaining the life of our dreams can shake us to the core. Fear of the future is often closely intermingled with the fear that growing into your own potential will both change you irrevocably and force you to face situations that you aren't ready for. It is normal to unconsciously project ahead into the future and see success as a great weight bearing down on you. It is important to remember, however, that all the life changes the future will bring will be implemented into your life slowly and gradually.

When we visualize the future, we tend to focus on outcomes rather than the steps we will take to reach those conclusions. Thus, we may forget that growth is progressive. Your soul longs to fulfill its purpose-a purpose you agreed to in the timelessness in which you existed before your birth. Because of this, neither you nor the universe will set any circumstance before you that you are not capable of handling. Fear of the future can paralyze you, preventing you from living in the moment and from working toward your goals in a mindful manner. The key to conquering this fear lies in awareness. When you can identify the irrational thoughts that frighten you, you can replace them with logical, self-affirming ideas. If you are afraid that you won't be satisfied when you accomplish a certain goal, remember that no one achievement represents an end in and of itself. And if you fear recognition or feel unworthy, consider that even now you are deserving of praise.

Should fear of the future strike you as you strive to create, to excel, to grow, and to evolve, assert your courage. Assume that your fear is based on a false assumption and quell it with facts. Try to disregard past patterns and focus on the present by stilling the inner voice that comments critically on all you do. Tell yourself that the inevitability of your success is based not on luck or a universal mistake but on your already established talents, drive, imagination, and inner strength. Each time you overcome your fear of the future, you chip away at its very foundations. Eventually, you will clear a gap through which you can gaze upon the future with unhindered optimism.

copied from Daily Om

dis-connecting

My heart is dis-connecting from many past. Chocolate after a very long hard day, I crave the connection. To hear, smell, touch, see you, each one of you. The child in me cries for impetuousness and to live impulsively, yet there is no security in flighty ways.

Dis-connecting weighs heavy on my brain, I have gotten use to their ways. Their smile, their lips, their kiss, their eyes and how they look at me with such caring. Yet there is a light beyond. I feel it as well. My heart knows the path, it will go past the dark with ease if I don't let the memory gremlins get a hold of me and veer me off course.

To brush my body against the warmth and heat of passion as well as feel the softness of comfort wrapped arms around me and to feel welcome into someone's life, their inner sanctum and feeling secure and at home. That is what I disconnect from. For one moment it is surrounding my every being...

but then it is gone, even more speedily than it came.

Seduction part 2 - the dance

Being trained in seduction has made sex an interesting act. There is one analogy that keeps coming to mind, that sex and seduction is like performing dance for a trained dancer. In rare moments the dance becomes truly magical--feeling new like when they first discovered dance, but most often it is easy to get caught up in the rhythm and nuances of performance (your own much more than your partners). And if you haven't danced awhile you crave the dance floor. You want to just go out and feel the music within you, the partner becomes not entirely unimportant, for you wouldn't want someone who couldn't do the moves easily, but more important is the desire, that craving that is inside of you and the need too feel the floor and the music running through your blood. Not that dancing alone is not okay to stave the hunger off, but it isn't the same, it is about being able to manipulate time and bodies and the rhythm to make something more beautiful. It is the art, and bringing someone with you along your creation of that art.

That craving is strong sometimes if you haven't visited the dance floor or haven't had a decent dance partner in awhile, but it becomes a balance when you find a new partner because you only get to dance with that person the first time once. From there it is correcting and critiquing and it becomes about the two of you, and the act itself. You are but one piece of the creation after the first time. Don't get me wrong, dual creation is wonderful and learning to improve and better move with each other mutually brings the dance to new levels that you never could do on your own. But that first time, is also about demonstrating your art. Putting on an performance for the other. It is almost entirely yours. It is what all your training was about; all the past pain and tears and dealing with difficult domineering teachers. It is an opportunity to take the pain gained skill and create a beautiful gift for someone. One they probably weren't expecting, so that added surprise is rewarding in itself.

When you choose the right moment to perform that first dance, it can be magical, but if you let the craving overcome you, no matter how much you enjoy the indulgence, afterward there is an emptiness. Instead of bringing the other along on your creative path, you usually lose them (for they weren't ready) and they become an audience instead of participant and you both end up in different places on the dance floor.

The distance is felt. For you just performed your art as a dancer performing for an audience instead of as a dancer performing with a partner. You are a performer, no longer a person performing.